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Blogs of Rage #3: Continuity, Real Estate Zoning, and Mega Man Levels

Mega Man

Here's something that's been bothering me since I was a kid: What the hell is going on with the levels in all of the Mega Man games? By that, I mean why do the worlds/levels exist, as some of them, to the best of my knowledge, appear to have no actual purpose or could even be remotely considered as practical. Take for example, from Mega Man 2, Air Man's level, which appears to be mostly free-floating robot heads that shit-out even smaller robots. This is of course followed by long, free-standing platforms, without any guardrails mind you, which eventually lead to the boss' lair. Let's just suspend the impractically of free-floating platforms for the time being. All I want to know is, what in the hell are the platforms used for? Collecting water vapor? Emergency plane runaways? Solar energy collection? Why do they exist, who built them, and for what conceivable purpose could they possibly be utilized for? Did the platforms already exist, and then Dr. Wily and his crew took them over, or did Dr. Wily specifically build them for the express purpose of giving Mega Man an opportunity to harass Air Man? If the latter is the case, why even build the scaffolding in the first place? If Mega Man can't reach you - you win. It's that simple. If I were Air Man, and I had been programmed to have feelings, I would be hurt as this was clearly a dick move by my supervisor.

And speaking of the boss' room, again, what is purpose of this building? To have a death match with strangers? Did Dr. Wily build this room, with matching garage doors, or did they simply co-opt an existing structure for this purpose? How awesome would it be to know that at least some of the robot masters are forced to fight out of a storage closet or bathroom? I suppose you wouldn't have to guess how much confidence Dr. Wily has in your ability to defend your area if you're forced to duck metal blades while simultaneously not tripping over sinks and toilets.

Do you think Air Man's level is a bad example? Ok, fair enough. Consider Heat Man's level then, which is some kind of giant lava vein or refining/smelting plant. Notice how the floor of this building is littered with lava pits, comically high walls, and then a disappearing block section spanning several hundred feet. Let's assume this building already existed and Dr. Wily simply overtook it. How in the hell do people work in this building? Do they really expect people to jump over lava pits, especially that really long section spanned by the disappearing blocks? Don't like jumping? Why not take a page from Mega Man and simply break through weak sections of the wall with some kind of explosive? I bet the cleaning crew just love that. Probably almost as much as the people that have to rebuild the 'blastable' sections each morning. How would you like to walk across that floor every time you needed to take a piss, eat lunch, or clock out? There is no way in hell any kind of plant like this could exist and still be financially-viable. Just from the sheer amount of wasted space alone would make renting/owning that kind of real estate impractical and uninsurable.

I want answers Capcom.

#Nintendo #NES